Shouldn't I be feeling something?

Nutrisystem Day 7

Well I did it, folks... I finished an entire week on Nutrisystem, and I have to admit, it wasn't that bad. What is bad is that I don't feel any different. I expected to feel just the tiniest loosening of the waistband, but I don't. And that feels rather discouraging. We'll see what the scale says tomorrow.

Breakfast: Frozen French Toast. Yummy in my tummy, this gets an 8. It's a nice thick slick of breakfast deliciousness topped with 2 tbsp of sugar-free syrup and aside from briefly reminding me of my office-mate Carl, it was rather satisfying.

Lunch: Parmesan noodles with broccoli. This came in a cup-o-soup type styrofoam container and even though I followed the instructions, some of the noodles stayed a little crunchy. It definitely had a reconstituted cheese powder flavor to it, but it wasn't horrible. I'd say it rates a 5.

Dinner: Glazed Chicken. This is one of the frozen entrees and it was just OK. Another 5 on a 1-10 scale. It just reminded me of any typical frozen meal. The chicken was nice and tender though.

Dessert: Chocolate-chocolate chip pudding. I'm giving this one a big fat 9. I didn't use enough milk, so it thickened up a little too much, but I would definitely eat this again. The chips added texture and interest.

It had to happen sometime...

Day Six:

I'm not a terribly picky eater. In fact, I can count on one hand (possibly borrowing a pinky from the other one) the number of foods or flavors I dislike. I enjoy a simple hot dog now and then just as much as I do the complexity of a duck confit cassoulet. So I honestly did not think I would encounter a meal I found inedible on the Nutrisystem plan.

I was wrong.

I was skeptical about the Swedish Meatballs from the first whiff and one of these days I'm going to learn to follow my instincts. I've been to IKEA, so I know how Swedish Meatballs are supposed to look and taste. They're generally served swimming in a beige cream-based gravy over egg noodles and I consider them a comfort food staple. So I was mildly offended when I opened a container of brown goo that some panel of experts at Nutrisystem seriously intended for consumers to ingest.

Had this been my first NS meal, I would have packed up the remaining boxes and flagged down the UPS man (who, incidentally, has a little extra time on his hands these days since he's not bringing me books from Amazon every other day, thanks to my new Kindle). Steve thought I was either grossly exaggerating the situation or was just plain jealous of his seared veal medallions and fresh vegetables, so he dressed it up with a little fresh ground pepper and hot sauce just so it wouldn't go to waste, and even HE couldn't choke it down. This is the man who orders a kids' meal at restaurants and then stuffs himself on the scraps from everyone else's plate. He's not much of a connoisseur. Of course, neither are my dogs, but even they looked at me like "Really? I'd rather eat deer poop."

Breakfast: Cinnamon Squares Cereal. 10. Loved it. I could have eaten 2 (or 3) bowls of it, but that would really defeat the purpose of this whole plan, wouldn't it?

Lunch: Meatball Parmesan Sandwich: 6. It was like a Hot Pocket "Sub." Soft bread on the outside, not much in the way of meatballs on the inside, but the flavor was tolerable.

Dinner: Chicken Noodle Soup. 7. Chicken was moist and tender. Very few noodles.

Dessert: Peppermint Cookie. 9. This was more like a big fat peppermint patty. I'd order more of those!

Big Cheater!

Day Five!

I've been thinking about "Cheat Day" all week, but once it rolled around, I didn't even go all out. I'm riding the back of the willpower pony for as long as it's at the ranch!

I began the day with a 70 minute Yoga class that was relaxing and invigorating all at the same time. Plus it made me realize just how dry my skin is. It's hard to contort your body into so many different configurations when you're feeling tighter than Joan Rivers' last face lift.

Breakfast today was a yummy little ham and cheese omelette accompanied by vanilla yogurt with fresh blackberries. I was surprised by the omelette. I expected something much worse! I'm still not a fan of the smokey ham flavoring, but I'm sort of getting used to it. The eggs were moist and fluffy and there was enough filling to give it some interest. This is obviously a breakfast I could have made for myself using fresher ingredients, but for a frozen meal that was quick and easy, I give it a 6.

Lunch: Pasta & Beef. This came in a cute little microwavable cup and that might be the best thing I can say about it. It was ok if you enjoy beef-a-roni, but I personally have never gotten along with Chef Boyardee, so this one was difficult to stomach. I didn't mind it so much after the first few bites, but I wouldn't choose to eat this meal again. Score: 3.

Dinner: Our friends came over with their "Raclette," which is a Swiss cooking device that turns out a fondue-style meal. You melt cheese, along with your choice of toppings and condiments, in individual dishes that slip under the heating element. On top of the element is a grill for cooking meats or vegetables. For this dinner we offered Gruyere, cheddar or brie with minced spinach, mushroom, red pepper, jalapeno pepper, onion, and tomato. Everyone took turns cooking their own bite sized pieces of steak, sausage, marinated chicken, butterflied shrimp, scallops and veal. Not only was it fun and interactive, but it also forced you to slow down and enjoy each bite.

Afterwards we used the Raclette for dessert, grilling pineapples, brownies, cookies and marshmallows to dip in chocolate melted underneath. Everyone got a little creative adding mini M&Ms, butterscotch chips and graham crackers, but the piece de resistance was grilled PEEPS! That was the best cheat I could think of... gooey melted marshmallow encrusted in crunchy caramelized sugar. Mmmm, makes me look forward to next Sunday! I already know that will be on the menu.

Lazy Saturday

Nutrisystem Day 4

We all got off to a late start this morning. It's a Saturday and we had nothing planned so everyone just sort of loitered. I woke Steve up at 7 and asked if he wanted to go to the gym before the girls woke up. He said yes, but we both closed our eyes and the next thing we knew it was 9:00. I worked out downstairs while everyone else watched High School Musical 52, The Senior Years and by the time 10:30 rolled around, I had a mutiny on my hands and everyone was begging for breakfast.

It's hard to be in charge of pancakes and pork roll when you're not allowed to have any, but the pain was dulled by preparing my own little packet of NS blueberry pancake mix. I didn't feel like I was missing out on a thing. The mix made two decent sized pancakes. The "blueberries" left a bit to be desired -- they were tiny little dehydrated things, but they added some flavor, nevertheless. I topped them with some sugar free syrup and gave 'em an 8.

For lunch, I made the girls sandwiches, so I joined them with a NS ham & cheese melt. It sort of reminded me of a toaster strudel. I was entitled to a dairy or protein serving with lunch, so I put a slice of lowfat swiss on top while toasting it. The sandwich was satisfying and tasty enough, though again, there seemed to be a smoke flavor additive of which I'm not terribly fond. Aside from that, I still give this meal a 7.

I took Madison and her girlfriend (also Madison) rock climbing and we were out and about for most of the afternoon. To ward off my the sugar cravings I still get from time to time, I took my dessert with me and savored it while the girls climbed. The peanut nougat bar was delicious and satisfying and it felt a little like cheating. This one gets a 9.

By the time I got home, I wasn't really hungry for dinner, so I just nibbled on some edamame and called it a night.

That Depends...

Nutrisystem Day Three

It snowed a bit here overnight so the schools had a two-hour delay. I should have taken advantage of that time to exercise or organize something, but instead I used the time to catch up on some desperately needed shut-eye. Who knew that detoxifying your body fat, sugar, white carbs, caffeine and alcohol could wreak such havoc on your R.E.M. sleep?

Luckily this system makes it pretty easy to plan and pack lunch and snacks for the day, because I had to hustle to get in to work after the bus left. Nutrisystem gives you a daily meal planner that makes it so easy to keep track of your entrees and supplemental food. It also gives you a space at the bottom of the page to keep track of your water intake.

We are about to enter a Capital Campaign at work, so we've hired a consulting firm to conduct a feasibility study. For the past two months, I've shared my office with a nice enough gentleman named Carl. Carl drinks coffee that smells like maple syrup (at first I thought he smelled like syrup and I wondered if he had a two year old at home who gave him goodbye hugs during breakfast. I later found out that his only child is a Yorkie named Sparkles or Skittles or Jazz Hands who is blind and routinely falls down the stairs.) He talks to himself all day, sometimes verbalizing his half of an entire conversation happening in his head. He's also been known to spontaneously break into song, which was a lot of fun over the holidays. "Santa Baby, hurry down the chimney toniiiiight." Carl also says Ciao. A lot. Carl makes me glad that I work from home most days. But I digress...

So, after the usual morning chit-chat, I got on with my day and on with my water. And I quickly realized that the problem with drinking 8 glasses of water a day is that you also have to eliminate 8 glasses of water. And urgently. And cruelly, only a few ounces at a time. So every time my concentration reached a peak, so did my bladder and I had to jump up and rush off to the ladies' room. After about the 6th time, Carl gave me a reproachful glance over his glasses, eyebrows lifted to the heavens, and said, "Yaright?" To which I lifted my empty 16 ounce bottle of Aquafina, tilted it towards him and replied, "Third one today. Water in, water out. Capice? Now can you please stop humming It's Raining Men?" Ok, that last part I made up.

Breakfast: Cinnamon Swirl Granola Bar. This gets a solid 8. It was delicious. Crispy and chewy and full of cinnamon-y goodness.

Lunch: Pea Soup. I read some good reviews about this particular soup, so my expectations were high (and you know what they say about expectations). It wasn't awful, but it had a fake smokey ham flavoring that turned me off. Also, it was a little gritty, but I suppose it did moderate job of impersonating a cup of pea soup. Score: 4

Dinner: Pasta Alfredo with Chicken. Surprisingly, this was delicious and more surprisingly, it was a shelf meal. The presentation left a lot to be desired, but I suppose it would have been more appealing if I had transferred it to a real dish. The chicken was very moist, the noodles firm enough and the sauce was tasty. Plus it was filling. I didn't even finish my salad, though I did eat a small plate of asparagus. I figured after drinking all that water, I should add some smelly pee to the ongoing bathroom circus. Alfredo gets an 8.

Dessert: Carrot Cake. Solid 5. It was what I expected. Sort of dry... thin layer of "frosting" on top. It was OK with tea, but only OK.

Frozen is better!

Nutrisystem Day 2

I took the "fresh-frozen" option on my Nutrisystem order, and while the pre-packaged, room temperature meals I had weren't half bad, I was really looking forward to discovering what kind of culinary delights awaited me in my frozen portion of the delivery. Imagine my delight when the phone rang on the afternoon of Day Two and the Schwan's delivery guy was on the other end looking for my house!

I knew it would take him upwards of 20 minutes to reach me from his location, but that didn't stop me from peeking out the front windows every 4 or 5 minutes like I was waiting for the Publisher's Clearinghouse van to pull up with balloons and a big whiteboard check. I met the driver at the door, brought the enormous puffy insulated bag into the kitchen and then just stood there and thought, "Oh great. Now what? My freezer's full."

Because we're experiencing sub-arctic temps here in the northeast, I considered leaving everything in the bag and just sticking it in the garage, but figured with my luck we'd have a brief heat wave, or I'd coax some little frost-resistant rodent into my garage. Either way, I'd risk wasting enough food to nourish a small third world village.

I donned my sledding gear and dove into the messy freezer, purging it of Tupperware containers loaded with sauces that predate the kitchen renovation, a few 1/2 gallon cartons containing 1 remaining frostbitten bite of ice cream, and a Ziploc bag of Jamie Hollander tortilla chips that I only saved because they came with a remarkably overpriced party platter and Steve was in one of his frugal moods.

I'm happy to say that all of the frozen meals fit quite neatly into the freezer, and though I've only had one so far, I'm looking forward to many more days of staring into that icy contraption trying to choose my next meal.

Breakfast: Maple/Brown Sugar Oatmeal. I give it a 9. Mix the packet with 1/2 cup of fat free milk and microwave. It was delicious and certainly satisfying enough.

Lunch: Chicken with Vegetables and Noodles. This was a little microwave container of semi-goodness. Maybe a 7. The chicken and noodles were moist, thick and tasty, but there was a bit too much sauce for my liking. When paired with a salad though, it was certainly satisfying enough.

Dinner: Frozen Ravioli in Tomato Sauce. Really, it was not bad. It was similar to any other frozen dinner out there... About 6 smallish raviolis with maybe 1/2 the amount of ricotta cheese you'd expect to find elsewhere. The sauce was good though. This I paired with braised brussel sprouts and a nice big salad. 7.

Dessert: Oatmeal Raisin Cookie. I should have known better. Oatmeal raisin is my favorite kind of cookie, so I should never have checked that little box. And I even ordered TWO. *sigh* I'm going with a 2 on this. It tasted like I imagined it would -- like a diet cookie sweetened with fruit juice. Blech.

Terrorist Cell?

I remember the first time I felt Madison kick. I was 18 weeks pregnant and attending a black tie dinner. As the band hit a crescendo, I felt a fluttering drum roll move from one side of my swollen belly to the other. I was so startled that I wondered briefly what "What to Expect..." had to say about taking Beano during the second trimester.

I felt a similar feeling yesterday, but it lasted the entire day and hit a few crescendos of its own.

Nutrisystem, Day One.

I got on the whole Nutrisystem bandwagon during a Bento Box lunch with girlfriends from which I walked away bloated and tired. While I devoured my 6 little compartments of Japanese food, Sheri (who ate exactly half of her meal because she already practices strict portion control) extolled its virtues, claiming that her husband Jake lost 20 lbs and found it remarkably easy to stick to. Our other friend Maria was already riding high on that particular wave of hope and couldn't wait until January 1 to begin her Nutrisystem adventure. Her boxes were already unpacked and she had her meal plan written down and ready to go. By the time we walked to our cars, I too was convinced that this was exactly the sort of jump start I needed.

I came home and read a lot of reviews before I bought wholeheartedly into the prepackaged food idea. I was surprised by how many people raved about the program and even enjoyed the cuisine vs. those who thought it was garbage. I read everything from "It changed my life" to "I'd rather be fat than eat that food--I sold it all on eBay," but I decided to see for myself and ordered the "deluxe" program that offers frozen meals along with the dehydrated spaceman meals.

I was excited for day one until I got an email from Maria warning me about bloating. She was on day five, and wrote that it was getting easier and the food wasn't bad, but for the first three days she felt like a dirigible. Oh great. I certainly don't remember reading anything like THAT in the reviews.

Maria wasn't just whistling Dixie, so to speak. Maybe it's all the fresh vegetables that I'm not used to packing into my diet, or perhaps it's the way the NS food is prepared, but by 3:00 I felt like a float in the Macy's parade. It's a good thing I didn't have to fly anywhere because I was carrying around enough flammable material to be nabbed at Airport Security as Al Qaeda. Then again, one sneeze and I probably could have flown anywhere I wanted to all on my own.

All in all, roiling pockets of gas aside, the food wasn't too bad and the plan is easy enough to follow. You eat one pre-packaged item for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner and supplement each meal (plus a snack) with fresh fruit, dairy, protein, and lots of veggies. You also get one dessert each day.

For breakfast I had an Apple Strudel Scone, which was delicious. I expected it to taste like a NutriGrain bar (which I dislike), but it tasted more like dense cake. I had "Cheesy Mashed Potatoes" for lunch, which was OK for something you reconstitute with hot water. The "Buffalo Chicken Wrap" dinner was more of a joke than anything. It tasted OK, but the texture was all off and while the photo on the box shows big juicy strips of chicken wrapped in a soft multi grain tortilla, the actual meal was buffalo wing flavored mush with a few small chunks of chicken in it. It was impossible to eat like a wrap. I used a fork to eat the chicken and then dipped a portion of the wrap into the sauce.

The best part of yesterday's selections was dessert (natch!). The chocolate coconut bar is as good as any non-diet dessert, if not better. I savored it and enjoyed each little bite and I wouldn't even let Madison taste it! So I guess that just goes to show how I came to need the program in the first place.

Now let's hope day two is less of a gastrointestinal comedy than day one was!

*Friends' names have been changed to protect their gaseous identities.