Happy Hoochie-Ween!!!

Happy Halloween, Friend. Or as we're referring to it in this house, Happy Hoochie-Ween!

The other morning I was busy preparing Madison's lunch for school while she sat at the kitchen island eating her breakfast. The Today Show was on, as it is most mornings here, and they had just begun a segment on how little girls' Halloween costumes have become so trampy, even Britney Spears won't be caught by the paparazzi in them (watch it by clicking the above link).

In her excitement, Madison practically knocked over her milk when her arm shot out towards the television and she urgently squealed, "Mom! Look, LOOK! Mom, it's my costume!" She was so excited that you would have thought she was in it right there at 30 Rock accepting an award from The Today Show's very own Meredith Viera.

I, on the other hand, was not feeling quite so enthusiastic.

What are we moms supposed to do with our 10-year-old teen wannabes nowadays? For months now she's been very clear that she wanted to be a "Devil Princess" for Halloween. Originally she insisted that I make the costume, and had a list of explicit instructions longer than the bridge between Sarah Palin's house and Russia.

I declined the honor of slipping into the role of Martha Stewart for the occasion and chose instead to allow her to pick a costume online. Of all the devil girl costumes out there, this was the only one available in her size that was not midriff-bearing, so, I figured I was slightly ahead of the game. And then Matt Lauer informed me otherwise. According to national statistics, world reports and a quote from Jim Bob Dugger, my daughter is stepping out tonight as a bona fide hoochie-mama and will probably end up turning tricks for crack by the time she's through her second teen pregnancy.

What Mr. Lauer doesn't know is that this is a child who I secretly videotaped singing and "dancing" (strippers call it dancing too, right?) in the mirror to Britney Spears' "Oops I Did It Again" when she was 3 years old (Wow, Brit's getting a lot of play in these posts lately, isn't she?) . She begged for a Bratz doll costume in Kindergarten and I gave in, thinking it would be cute to tart her up back then before she began looking at boys as if they were anything more than cootie machines. Looking back, it does seem a tad "Pretty Baby."

I was so proud the following year when she dressed as a (fully-clothed) goth bride, then a cheerleader, an angel, and last year, a regular bride. I assumed maybe we were through the hussy stage. Dare I say, I assumed wrong?

Anyway, go ahead and try to strip me of my 2008 Mother-Of-The-Year award. You'll have to stand in line behind Madison, who is holding a grudge against me for making her wear a pair of opaque flesh-colored tights and long-sleeved bodysuit under her costume. Wait until the sun goes down and I also make her wear a coat! Oh the inhumanity! I guess I had better confiscate her pitchfork tonight before it ends up jammed in my temple.

Halloweens Past: 1998-2002

Will the "Real" Hoochie Mama, Please Stand Up?

Rest In Peas...

With Halloween crushing down upon us, I thought I would share a few cute recipes for the holiday. I served them at last year's Feisty Chix book club annual Halloween bash -- in the "old" kitchen. The idea for last year's party was to come in your jammies and we'd just call it a Chick slumber party (without the slumber) and eat candy. Most of my jammies are moderately boring (or too racy for a book club party -- I mean, we weren't reading Anias Nin), so I opted to be my usual silly self and dress as "Britney Spears in her trailer park, 10 years from now."

"Unfortunately, the election coverage knocked the party off this year's calendar, but there's no reason you can't enjoy the recipes anyway:

Rest In Peas

Ingredients:

20 slices of those little tiny bread loaves by the deli counter (any flavor)
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
Coarse salt and freshly ground pepper
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 onion, chopped
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
2 1/2 cups milk
1/2 cup heavy cream
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
Pinch of cayenne pepper
2 boxes (10 ounces each) frozen peas, thawed and drained well

1 tube of black decorating gel

Directions
-Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place bread slices on a baking sheet; brush with oil. Season with salt and pepper. Toast in oven until golden, 10 to 12 minutes.
-Heat butter in a large saucepan over medium heat until foaming. Add onion; cook, stirring occasionally, until tender, about 4 minutes. Stir in flour; cook, stirring constantly, until mixture begins to turn golden, about 4 minutes.
-Whisking constantly, gradually add milk. Cook until mixture thickens, 3 to 5 minutes. Stir in cream, nutmeg, and cayenne. Season with salt and pepper. Stir in peas; cook until heated through, about 3 minutes.

-Pipe "RIP" on 8-10 toasted bread slices, put the rest on a separate small serving dish.
-Transfer pea mixture to a shallow serving dish. Arrange headstone croutons on top.

Cheese & Fig Platter

Ingredients:

1 large tub WisPride Cheddar Spread

1 large tub WisPride Port Wine Cheddar Spread

1 wedge peppercorn peccorino romano (or peppercorn parmesan)

1 bag large black grapes

1 qt fresh black mission figs, cut in half lengthwise

1 pt blackberries

1 container poppy seeds

plastic spiders

Directions:

-Dump the container of poppy seeds into a bowl.

-Scoop out the contents of each cheese spread tub and form into a balls. Roll in poppy seeds to fully coat.

-Arrange the different cheeses on a platter and cover and surround with grapes, figs and blackberries. Strategically place a few plastic spiders on the platter just for fun.

Eyeball Salad

Ingredients:

20-30 small balls of fresh mozzarella

6 green olives with pimento cut in 1/2 (through the middle so the pimento forms the "pupil")

1 pint grape tomatoes

1 can small black olives (pitted)

1/8 cu extra virgin olive oil

1/8 cu aged balsamic vinegar

1 T fresh minced or dried oregano

1 tsp coarse sea salt

1/2 tsp coarse ground black pepper

2 large dried peppers, sliced in strips (optional)

Directions:

-Using a sharp paring knife, cut a small cone out of 12 mozzarella balls

-Insert a 1/2 green olive into each hollowed out mozzarella ball, round end first (you may have to push it in a little to get it to stay)

-Combine all the remaining ingredients and toss, then pour into serving bowl.

-Arrange "eyeballs" on top

Other fun food photos from the party (Brain dip, Vampire Bites, Decomposing Salad):

Hard Wood = Hard Work

I feel like I just finished a Billy Blanks class. My hands and arms are sore, my back aches and I'm drenched in sweat. I'd like to say I just got back from the gym, but instead I did what's called the "What the Hell Were We Thinking When We Installed 1500 sq. ft. of Wood Flooring?" Workout.

Can you say High Maintenance? Yikes. First I vacuumed the entire house. Then I swiffered the hardwood to get rid whatever dust the vac missed. And then I wet mopped. Twice. And now I need an Advil and a nap. This is exactly why people employ cleaning ladies or plop down $400 on a Roomba.

Is there an easier way to keep hardwood floors gleaming when you have two kids and two dogs? I think I'll request a meeting over at Proctor & Gamble and see if they like my idea of inventing Swiffer Booties. A marriage of the shoe covering worn by surgeons and Swiffer's dust-magnet technology, one would slip a pair on over his or her footwear at the front door and not only limit the tracking of dirt into my home, but also do their part to assist with the maintenance of my sanity.

I've dreamed up a few nifty inventions since the renovation. Maybe someday you'll see one of them on QVC. That is if I can find the time to research and prototype them when I'm not washing the floor!

What are you, Chicken?

Yesterday Steve asked what I wanted for dinner and I said, "Chicken."

"Chicken" turned into a $62 trip to the Giant, because he took Madison with him. Expensive grocery store trips are a phenomenon in the Juris household typically associated with Allison because she fancies herself a mini Rachel Ray and appreciates the whole art of cooking. The more exotic the ingredients, the better. It is for that precise reason that Steve tries to hit the market during school hours, but there are times when Allie tags along and, batting her big blue eyes at Daddy, selects items like Ahi tuna, organic avocados and Caciocavallo cheese.

Yesterday was Madison's turn to invoke the pout and flutter her big greens. Two boxes of cereal, goldfish crackers, rice cakes, sugar wafers, yogurt, applesauce, sour cream & onion potato chips, peanut butter, corn syrup, brown sugar and a few mechanical pencils later, I did get my chicken, as well as a bag of spinach and a yellow squash.

Then I just had to figure out something to do with it. So, I came up with this delicious dish:

"Chicken a la Costly Grocery Store Trip"

3-4 large chicken breasts, butterflied
1 package of whole large leaf spinach
1 large can whole, peeled Roma tomatoes
1 medium yellow squash
2 cloves garlic
2 T olive oil
2 T fresh parsley minced
1/4 c fresh grated Romano cheese
1/4 c Monterrey jack cut into 1/4" cubes
salt & pepper to taste
1/2 lb - 1 lb egg noodles

1) Rinse and pat dry the spinach (unless you're lazy like me -- I just opened the bag and dumped it) and spread over the bottom of a 10" x 13" pan.
2) Open the can of tomatoes and using a spatula (or your fingers) to keep them in the can, pour the juice over top of the spinach. Then chop the tomatoes into small - medium chunks and set aside.
3) Slice the squash into small coins (1/8 - 1/4") and spread evenly over the spinach.
4) Place the chicken breasts in a single layer on top of the spinach & squash.
5) In a small bowl, crush 2 cloves of garlic into 2 T of olive oil and microwave for 45 -60 seconds or until hot & bubbly. Brush or spoon evenly over chicken breasts then sprinkle with salt & pepper and fresh parsley.
6) Spread chopped tomatoes over the entire dish.
7) Bake, covered with foil, 350 for 10 minutes or until the spinach starts to wilt. Uncover and bake another 10 minutes. Sprinkle both cheeses evenly over chicken breasts and continue baking until the cheese melts and the chicken is no longer pink.
8) Serve over egg noodles and liberally spoon the pan juices onto your dish.

If Madison wasn't eating with us, I would have also layered in some sliced hot cherry peppers, but since she was, we settled for dousing our individual portions with crushed red peppers. We decided that this dish would taste equally as good with swordfish. Also, sliced zucchini (instead of or with the squash) would be yummy as well. Feel free to substitute rice or another type of pasta for the starch. Hmmm, even mashed potatoes would work!

Four CRAZY Days

It's almost like Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights, but half of that, and it was mostly days.

I was asked by one of my non-profit clients to make a DVD to be shown at their 40th Anniversary gala (this Saturday night), highlighting their mission. Robins' Nest is an organization in South Jersey whose mission is to make sure that every child has a permanent, safe and loving home. The video is chock full of adorable faces (one with an actual tear running down his cheek) just begging to be loved, cared for, and protected (one of the voiceovers in the movie).

I loved this project -- I love the organization -- I love the idea of helping children. What I don't love is the movie-making software that kept locking my computer up every 22 seconds and sending me into a downward-spiraling combination of depression, desperation, and despair. As the hours ticked by and I got no closer to completing this job, I alternated between crying, yelling, cursing, holding my head up by the roots of my hair and curling into such a tight, silent ball, a fetus would be jealous.

Alas, in the proverbial 11th hour, just as my gem of a husband predicted, logic (or is that luck?) prevailed and I solved the Rubik's Cube of all video dilemmas and got the DVD into a FedEx envelope, just in time for my "boyfriend-in-blue" to sweep her away and deliver her gently into the hands of my anxious clients first thing tomorrow morning.

I know this has nothing to do with the kitchen remodel... but it has everything to do with why I haven't posted any "after" pictures. I've been too busy noodling on the appropriate combination of prescription medications to consume, had this whole video thing not worked out.

I want to give a shout out (ok, I want to give thanks - it's not like anyone actually reads my blog) to my wonderful daughters & nieces, husband and my neighbor's adorable son who did voiceovers for the video. They were all wonderful -- even "32-take Steve" who laughed more than he read. But that is what made me fall for him in the first place.

I'm posting the MPEG version of the video at the bottom of the screen... It's a wildly crappy version of the real movie... but what do you want for an "MPEG?"

Stool Sample

The finishing touch on the new kitchen is hands-down the new set of stools that Steve will tell you that he picked out, but in reality I hinted and nudged and badgered him about until he finally relented and hit the send button.

I thought I found the perfect stool at my aunt's house in New Hampshire. Unfortunately I was there for my uncle's funeral, so it was a sad, awful time for everyone, but I'll be darned if I didn't walk into her house and hear an Angel sing.

I thought to myself, "Oh wow, these would look lovely at my kitchen bar. Hmmm, I wonder who makes them?" And I took a photo... and then later, when it was appropriate, I asked her where she got them. And then when I got home, I took that info to the big old wide world web where I not only found those adorable little stools, but trumped them with the Michael Phelps of all stools -- the Hillsdale Fleur De Lis.

It is perfect in here. And it just may be able to command a gold in the Men's 400 meter, but I'd hate to test the waters (so to speak) by getting it wet. I'm content to just sit and look at my 3 little beauties in all of their hand-carved craftsmanship and supple leather and noodle on how life can get much better.

Overboard? Maybe a wee bit, but I'm still enjoying the honeymoon phase of post-coit *uh... construction bliss. And wouldn't it be just like my jokester of an uncle to summon me all the way to New Hampshire from the great beyond to send me directly down the path of nirvana?

I invite you to place your tushie upon one of them at our November 15th "Kitchen-warming, open house, fill-our-new-wine-rack" party. If you are reading this and you know where we live then you're invited. See you around 7:15?


The truly inviting (practically porn quality) merchandising photo of the Fleur de Lis.



The Fleur de Lis where it belongs -- at my bar! Vive la France.



Another view... seems lonely. We need some cooking going on in that kitchen!



My artistic side. Gotta love the lighting.

Haaaaaaaaa-lle-lu-iah!

The kitchen, my dear friends, is finally d-o-n-e! It's over. Rob has officially left the building. Alright, that's not completely accurate -- he still has to replace one cracked cabinet door, but other than that, we've seen the tail end of the construction crew.

We are beyond thrilled. I love my new kitchen and plan to create a bunch of new recipes in it over the years. For now, we'll start with this one. A wonderful, hearty Autumn comfort meal.

Ham & Baked Beans with Cornbread
Ideally, this meal is best made with the day-after remnants of a fine, spiral-cut Honeybaked Ham. Barring the existence of one of those in your kitchen, you can use a small fresh ham. Just please, whatever you do, don't use a canned ham! Sacre Bleu.

2-3 cups cubed ham
1 bag dried white navy beans (seems oxymoronic, doesn't it?)
1 1/2 c ketchup
1 1/2 c water
1/4 c molasses
1/4 c honey
1 large onion chopped
1 tablespoon dry mustard
1 tablespoon salt
6 slices of uncooked salt pork or bacon, diced
1 c brown sugar

Soak the beans overnight in 8 cups of water. Drain and rinse. Combine all ingredients except for the ham in a slow cooker. Cover and cook on med/med-high for 6 hours, stirring occasionally. Add the ham and continue to cook for another 3-4 hours until the beans are tender and delicious and the ham is fall-apart-on-your-fork goodness.

In the mean time, prepare the cornbread. This may possibly be the finest side dish to ever cross your lips.

Prepare 2 boxes Jiffy Cornbread mix according to the package directions (1 egg, 1/3 c milk for each package). Let it sit for about 5 minutes until it begins to get a little "fluffy." You can tell this is happening by running a fork through it -- it will be slightly foamy.

Add:
1 can sweet yellow corn, drained.
1 can creamed corn
1 stick butter, melted
1 cup sour cream
1/4 cup sugar
(hey, I never said this was a Weight Watchers recipe)
1-5 chopped jalapenos, according to taste and your tolerance for heat (optional)

Pour into a greased 9 x 13" pan and bake at 400F for 50-60 minutes or until golden on top and the center is just solid. You want this to be moist, so don't overbake.

Cool on a wire rack for about 20 minutes before cutting.

Serve perched on the edge of a bowl of steaming ham & beans and enjoy!

Now... some photos:

I took some of the photos at night to avoid the sun glare from the windows as well as show the lighting. This picture is also a good one "angle-wise" compared to one of the before pictures to show the actual before/after.


This is the best "before" picture I have as compared to the above after. Which only means that I stunk at taking the before pictures. We eliminated the "art niche" wall and one wall cabinet on the kitchen side. This completely opened up the entire first floor. Other than that, the balance of the footprint is basically the same with the exception of an island that's a foot longer.


I love my island. This was a work in progress and a labor of love. We changed the design a good 5 times after construction began. The left side houses a pull-out spice rack and the right side is a baking pan cabinet. The drawers are home to my new Calphalon Contemporary stainless pots & pans.




One angle of the kitchen during the day. This is a better representation of color.