Loco Cocina!: Happy Hoochie-Ween!!!

Happy Halloween, Friend. Or as we're referring to it in this house, Happy Hoochie-Ween!

The other morning I was busy preparing Madison's lunch for school while she sat at the kitchen island eating her breakfast. The Today Show was on, as it is most mornings here, and they had just begun a segment on how little girls' Halloween costumes have become so trampy, even Britney Spears won't be caught by the paparazzi in them (watch it by clicking the above link).

In her excitement, Madison practically knocked over her milk when her arm shot out towards the television and she urgently squealed, "Mom! Look, LOOK! Mom, it's my costume!" She was so excited that you would have thought she was in it right there at 30 Rock accepting an award from The Today Show's very own Meredith Viera.

I, on the other hand, was not feeling quite so enthusiastic.

What are we moms supposed to do with our 10-year-old teen wannabes nowadays? For months now she's been very clear that she wanted to be a "Devil Princess" for Halloween. Originally she insisted that I make the costume, and had a list of explicit instructions longer than the bridge between Sarah Palin's house and Russia.

I declined the honor of slipping into the role of Martha Stewart for the occasion and chose instead to allow her to pick a costume online. Of all the devil girl costumes out there, this was the only one available in her size that was not midriff-bearing, so, I figured I was slightly ahead of the game. And then Matt Lauer informed me otherwise. According to national statistics, world reports and a quote from Jim Bob Dugger, my daughter is stepping out tonight as a bona fide hoochie-mama and will probably end up turning tricks for crack by the time she's through her second teen pregnancy.

What Mr. Lauer doesn't know is that this is a child who I secretly videotaped singing and "dancing" (strippers call it dancing too, right?) in the mirror to Britney Spears' "Oops I Did It Again" when she was 3 years old (Wow, Brit's getting a lot of play in these posts lately, isn't she?) . She begged for a Bratz doll costume in Kindergarten and I gave in, thinking it would be cute to tart her up back then before she began looking at boys as if they were anything more than cootie machines. Looking back, it does seem a tad "Pretty Baby."

I was so proud the following year when she dressed as a (fully-clothed) goth bride, then a cheerleader, an angel, and last year, a regular bride. I assumed maybe we were through the hussy stage. Dare I say, I assumed wrong?

Anyway, go ahead and try to strip me of my 2008 Mother-Of-The-Year award. You'll have to stand in line behind Madison, who is holding a grudge against me for making her wear a pair of opaque flesh-colored tights and long-sleeved bodysuit under her costume. Wait until the sun goes down and I also make her wear a coat! Oh the inhumanity! I guess I had better confiscate her pitchfork tonight before it ends up jammed in my temple.

Halloweens Past: 1998-2002